Monday, February 14, 2022

EXCLUSIVE: Dr. Strangeclimate and the Big Climate Honchos Prepare for the Next Storm

The latest focus-group results are in. And, they are bad. Big Climate made fools of the catastrophic climate narrative by calling ordinary January and February snowstorms "super-extreme weather." Now, they must try to recover their sullied credibility.

Shown below, for the first time ever, is the Big Climate War Room (BCWR) where they diligently attempt to blame every raindrop (or lack of rain), every snowflake (or lack of snow) and every tornado (or a tornado drought) on global warming.

The meeting was called to order by the reclusive Dr. Strangeclimate (in glasses, above). He negotiates the tens of millions of dollars that flow in monthly from various foundations, political groups, and the "protection" money from Big Tech executives who do not wish to be called out for their gigantic carbon footprints. 

Awaiting Big Climate's marching orders, via hotline, are three dozen marketing-types on Madison Avenue. 
Melvin James Kaminsky, the maddest of Mad Men
working on Big Climate's 
marketing account.
Heading the Madison Avenue team is the nefarious Mel Kaminsky. It is he who sends out the press weekly press releases and arranges the junkets and trade show party rooms so the media wheels are greased so that the press releases are "warmly" received. Most of all he sets up the 5-star climate conferences held in exotic locations like Bali, Cancun, and Dubai while insuring reporters do not point out the irony of the huge carbon footprints incurred by flying to remote locations. 
A small sample of Big Climate media releases

Only Dr. Strangeclimate had the power to send Al Gore into exile after his embarrassing carbon footprint was mocked across the world. No one even knows if Strangeclimate is his real last name. The group (all marketing executives, no legitimate scientists allowed) convenes anytime they get a phone call instructing them to meet his 767-sized private jet at Teterboro.

Exclusive photos of Big Climate's tornado and hurricane-proof
underground war room in the basement of a Newark office building
Beads of sweat form on the foreheads of several of the executives. They all know they must protect their mid-six figure phony-balony jobs. No one dares speak what many are thinking: maybe we've gone too far with the panic messaging. Still the BCWR war room works overtime on new ways to propagandize every storm. With severe thunderstorms and tornadoes possible this week -- not to mention snow -- (Who ever heard of snow in February? Must be global warming!) time is of the essence. They need fresh ideas.

First-ever inside photo of the
Yale Robocall and Climate Marketing Center (YRACMC)
So, they put in a conference call to the global warming focus group experts at Yale University. It is there the world's most powerful computers crunch three decades of marketing research, polling, and focus group results. Twenty-nine times in the last 30 years, they've tried to sell "we have only one year left before climate catastrophe" and no one is buying that one any more. The results from the YRACMC computers are anxiously awaited. 

Finally, the computer spits out the results from the latest poll. They are as follows:
"Order more coffee," says Dr. Strangeclimate. "We have more work to do! Once we finish with this week's catastrophe messaging, we have to convince Americans they like more expensive and less reliable electricity."
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