Sunday, May 6, 2012

Sunday Funnies

When the weather allows, I like to post some humorous items on the blog on Sundays. 

With the announcement that Barry Manilow is coming to Wichita on June 7, I thought I'd repost an item from April, 2011:

The following is from a Dave Barry column from February, 2011:  

If a man truly loves a woman, he will do anything for her. He will attempt to unclog a toilet. He will kill a spider armed only with a magazine. (I mean the man is armed with the magazine; the spider is usually unarmed.) He will leave the woman sleeping comfortably in bed at 5:37 a.m. while he takes the dog out and stands around shivering while the dog, which only seconds earlier was DESPERATE to get out, conducts a meticulous 20-minute inch-by-inch nasal survey of the entire yard before selecting precisely the right spot upon which to make weewee.
Yes, love will make a man do many things. But sometimes a man’s love is sorely tested by a woman. Here I am using the term “a woman” in the sense of “my wife.” Recently, out of the blue, she asked me to do something that was truly repugnant to me, something that violates one of the two fundamental moral principles by which I have lived my life (the other one is, never drink light beer).
She asked me to go to a Barry Manilow concert.
Now before I get a lot of hate mail, let me stress that I think Barry Manilow is a very talented entertainer who has written some terrific songs. Mandy, for example. I’ve always liked that one. Another Manilow song I like is the one where he sings about . . . no, wait, that’s Mandy. So for me, the sweet spot of the Manilow catalog pretty much consists of Mandy. If Barry did a concert where he came on stage, sangMandy, then did an encore consisting of Mandy, then left, I’d have no problem with it. I’m just not a fan of the rest of his work. Many times I have very nearly fractured my right forefinger stabbing the car radio to make it stop playing Copacabana.

Like Dave and his wife, Kathleen and I have a similar, shall we say, "difference of opinion" regarding Mr. Manilow's music. Dave tells the hilarious story of his attendance at the concert here.

Also, like Dave, I don't think much of "opening acts." However, Dave educated me on the real reason for opening acts when he wrote,

It was an excellent warmup act, not in the sense of being entertaining, but in the sense of making me actually yearn for Barry Manilow to get up there.

So, you are wondering, did Dave enjoy the concert? You'll have to find out for yourself at the link above.

From the comments on Dave's article, something even more terrifying than a Barry Manilow concert:

Bryan [the commenter's husband] took me to Celine three times.

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